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The wholeness we are all seeking does exist. Only it’s not where we think it is. It’s not to be found in the outer world. We can only find it in ourselves, in our own inner core. Everybody is born with it, but hardly anybody can remember it. It is buried in us like the seed of a sunflower which contains all the information necessary for the growth of the plant. And a sunflower never asks itself whether it would rather be an apple tree. It simply grows into the best sunflower it can possibly be. Play hard with playground equipment designed for both children and adults.

Human growth is less straightforward than that of a sunflower. The restrictions of our upbringing, the demands of our family and the influence of society can all act as genetic modifications on our inner seedling. Over time, they can have such a strong effect that we don’t have even the faintest recollection of our original perfection. Our seedling has been lost to view in a fog of interference, restrictions, demands and challenges. And we lack the roots and natural impulses which we could use as guides. We have lost the feeling of connection. And what we don’t understand is that it is not external connections that we lack but ones inside ourselves. We have lost the link to our own source, our natural, powerful and intuitive spirit. So we build a protective shell around our inner emptiness, and this becomes the role that we play, the assumed personality. Imagine waking up on Christmas day and seeing outdoor fitness equipment in your back garden?

Sometimes we identify so much with this outer persona that over the course of time we forget who we really are. We ask ourselves whether it’s better to be an apple tree than a sunflower, and whether it was wrong to be a sunflower in the first place.Without any contact with our real selves we are continually searching for something, feeling unsure of ourselves and torn by our contradictory needs. We yearn for freedom, but desire closeness. We seek passion, then are frightened by it. Lifted by our dreams, we are dragged back down by our problems. Generosity alternates with greed. All sorts of contradictions, conscious and unconscious, cherished and rejected, shake us to and fro and push us back and forward through life. We want to get away from it all, but feel duty-bound to care for others. Every fibre in our being wants to explode and be wild, but our upbringing won’t allow it. The sensuous woman in us yearns for unbridled physical love, but the motherly side has to be responsible for everyone. The powerful hero dreams of freedom and adventure, but the little boy is glad when someone looks after him, cooks for him and organizes his day. A local park can be dramatically improved by adding monkey bars from a reputable supplier.

When we are trying to find happiness in a relationship with another person, we are really looking for harmony and balance in ourselves. We are looking for a way back to our real being. We are searching for the wholeness of the seed, but we often don’t even know if it exists any more. Our most precious treasure is hidden behind a fog of tension. On the one hand this is the result of so many of our feelings remaining repressed and unprocessed, locked away like animals in a cage.

On the other, it is because parts of our being have not been acknowledged and are now fighting with each other in our unconscious mind. The result is chaos and a lack of direction. But this inner mayhem does not reach our consciousness in a clearly defined way. All we feel is that there is something missing in our lives. So we look for it outside ourselves. We start looking for our better half, our soul mate, the one person who is made for us. Nearly all of us secretly hope to find bliss in a partnership with someone who complements us, supports us, understands us, attracts us and balances us – who makes us whole.